101 Illuminati Jokes

Why was tumblr down?

We had to clean up a few things. Nothing that will be missed. Keep on reblogging pictures of food, celebrities, and witty sayings. Nothing is wrong.

Your congressman’s so fat, he returned the Ferrari we gave him, as he found the passenger room “uncomfortable”.

Why was the pilot tired?

Every commercial flight has been flown entirely by autopilot since 1998. Flight crews have kept their jobs, as they are useful to us from time to time.

Yo momma’s so beautiful, she will be one of the last to die.

Why did the priest wear sunglasses?

When gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes into you.

Illuminati Jokes 31-40

Why did the journalist cross the road?

He received a “tip” from an “unnamed source”.

Why is the sky blue and white?

Manipulating the earth’s atmosphere in a matter that is too overt would cause global panic.

Why do onions make you cry?

We are experts at using chemicals to alter emotions.

Yo momma’s so blind, her third eye needs a monocle.